ARMAGEDDON

I am writing this post from the planet Zog. I arrived here last night, after a UFO picked me up from rural Denmark. Earth is apparently going to disappear tomorrow, so I thought it best to get out while I could. I am not feeling very well, as I tend to get queasy in aircraft, and the UFO pitched around a lot. The locals here say that I will soon get over it.

My first impressions are that Zog is a bit of a dull place. There are a couple of wizened old Mayan guys and a lot of survivalists, mainly American. The Mayans are making circles or something, while the others tend to hang out and mutually admire their impressive supplies of weaponry. They also like eating out of tin cans with a Swiss army knife. I'm not really into canned food, but there's not much else to eat here, really.

The worst thing is that there's nothing to do. Zog is sort of rocky and volcanic, so you can't even go for a bike ride. There's masses of T.V. and internet, and they do have some pretty impressive time machines; but there are no parks or beaches or fields.

There's a rumour going around that a UFO is going off to the Pic de Bugarach in France tonight in order to pick up the last emigres. I think I might try to sneak a lift on it. Better to be vapourised on Earth than stay here.

Walter Blotscher