TENNIS IRRITANTS

There are a number of irritating things about modern tennis.

The first is the habit of juggling the balls prior to serving. The ballboys give the server more than two balls, usually three but sometimes four, the server looks at them intently (as if mentally calculating whether they are exactly spherical), chooses two to serve with, and gives the remainder back to the ballboy. This goes on before every point. You could understand it if the balls were like my own, all roughed up and with some lacking an even bounce. But in professional tennis matches, the balls are changed every nine games, which hardly gives the players time to knock them out of shape.

The second is the habit of towelling themselves down. After four or five shots - perhaps even after just a serve - the player points a finger at one of the ballboys, who is unfortunate enough to have to hold their sweaty towel, and wipes himself down with it. This goes on before every point. You could understand it if they played at 100mph for two hours without a break. But in professional tennis matches, they have a pause every two games, where they drink liquid, get their mental shit together, and (wait for it) towel themselves down. Furthermore, two games of tennis can be as little as 8 points; they also have sweatbands on their wrists if things get really bad between breaks.

All this fiddling around puts me off the tennis itself. Others too, probably. Mats Wilander, a great former champion and a very good commentator on Eurosport, says that tennis is losing popularity amongst the young, and that the authorities are thinking of ways to change things. His suggestions include abolishing the warm-up (what other sport warms up for an official 10 minutes before the players start?) and abandoning the second serve. The idea is to make the game flow more.

The third irritating thing is Andy Murray. But then you knew that already.

Walter Blotscher