BEARDS IN SPORT

Have you noticed how some sports (well, men's sports) are more hirsute than others? You might think that, in principle, sportsmen would never have beards, since hair and sweat don't mix very well together. But that's not completely true.

Swimming and cycling seem to be completely beardless. Not only beardless, but hairless, as participants deliberately shave their legs and/or make themselves bald in order to improve the slipstream. So too are winter sports, I suppose in order to stop icicles from forming in the beard. Tennis is also pretty beard-free. Football has a lot of stubble; but genuine hair seems confined to various permutations of sideboards (nasty partial beards such as David Villa's don't really count). There is that Swedish defender Olof Mellberg, who has a full growth; but he always looks as if he has wandered in from a kick-around in the park with his grandchildren, so it is difficult to take it seriously.

Despite the helmets and the ice, ice hockey is relatively hairy. A lot of it is of the "I am not going to shave as long as we are in the play-offs" kind; but the strong Russian/East European contingent seems to favour a hairy chin. Rugby is also quite well represented. Perhaps it is something to do with sports in which you wear a lot of padding? The beard is a sort of facial pad.

There is however one sport which a) has no padding, b) no ice c) no helmets, yet d) has a lot of beards. That is handball. I don't know why; maybe the creosote on the balls is a natural folic fertiliser. My son, who is 19 and a handball goalie, has already grown a beard. It's not bad; not as good as Olof Mellberg, but way better than David Villa. When it's got to maximum strength, I'll ask him why.

Walter Blotscher